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So… yay? Human Tetris : Just about every person on the planet has played the game Tetris. Blocks fell from the sky, and you had to stack them neatly as they fell.

In Japan, they have a show sort of like that. Sort of…. In Human Tetris , instead of blocks falling, contestants have to contort their bodies to fit through the gaps in oncoming walls.

Failure to twist into the right shape resulted in a dunk in a pool of dirty water. Unfortunately, the trips came with a pretty big catch.

A beary big catch, if you will. When contestants reached their destination, the game show presented them with an appropriately horrific challenge.

In this case, the contestant was given the opportunity to explore wildlife… by being placed in a plexiglass cube and exposed to a grizzly bear.

In it, teams competed in a dodgeball match. If you were hit with a ball, however, then things got ugly…. If you were hit, a famous Japanese comedy duo would choose your punishment, which became more and more gross as the game progressed.

Unnamed Sleeping Game: This one might just be the weirdest of all. What fun. Soapy Stairs Game: Of all these games, this one probably packed the most painful punch.

It was extremely simple: contestants just had to run up some stairs… but, of course, it was much easier said than done.

The stairs would be covered in grease, and when contestants inevitably slipped and fell, they would batter all their limbs on the stony steps and slide into a pool of water.

New itch. Subscribe for game recommendations, clips, and more. Queer Quest Demo. Sad Ghost Studios. Contract Demon.

Night of the Lesbian Vampires. Jaime Scribbles Games. Joyride a mecha. Sext your enemies. Fight the pull of gravity. Find love and avoid dying in this murder mystery VN with a randomized twist.

Crystal Game Works. Disaster Log C. It has been raining ceaselessly for 7 days Sofdelux Studio. The story of a perky princess and a reclusive witch, plus a sassy owl.

Rascal Devworks. Tunnel Vision. Residents of Evilville. Zombies with a dash of damsels in distress. For instance, did you know that right now the purest distillation of the existential horror that passes for boner fuel in Japan isn't found in their pornography, animated or otherwise?

Turns out it's in their game shows. I don't speak Japanese, so I won't pretend to be able to give you a precise play-by-play on what exactly happened there.

At least there's a sign in the background that lets us know that these women were trying to accomplish a "world record" of some sort.

Were they holding time trials for a new, shamefully gratuitous Paralympics event? Or maybe that tentacle fetish thing has finally come full circle and now they're cross-breeding women with actual squid?

HyperVocal I assume that mat was heavily treated with a mixture of Tinactin and Pam prior to the event.

Since both women got to their feet for a post-race interview, we can probably assume they're actually not handicapped. Apparently they were merely simulating two icebound paraplegics trying to evade a walrus attack.

Sanitary concerns aside, winner and loser alike appear positively giddy afterward, despite having just engaged in an activity that seems more like a documentary on vaginal demon possession than any recognized sport.

At least the winner got a Guinness World Record out of the deal and was hired to star in the creepiest milk commercial of all time.

That's more than we can say for the next group, unless there's some award for how quickly and effectively young women can make their parents sob uncontrollably while wondering where, exactly, things went so horribly wrong.

You're goddamn right it's sexy -- especially if your turn-ons include cellar-wall-mounted hitchhiker restraints and moth husbandry.

What the winner of this apparent human-trafficking audition receives in terms of compensation is unclear, although an engraved, glitter-encrusted bronze speculum seems appropriate.

At least she'll surely be given a sizable bump in her starting bid once the next underground auction rolls around. Your inflammation can be easily treated with a daily regimen of antibiotics!

Japan is famous for its game shows that seem to be thinly disguised excuses for inflicting Geneva Conventions violation-level abuse on the contestants.

One would hope there's a decent reward to be had for participating in these shows -- either a cash prize or maybe the promise to release a family member from captivity.

But apparently there are a few shows where the players are willing to put themselves through the equivalent of a long weekend in Abu Ghraib with Liam Neeson's character from Taken for a whole lot less or more, depending on their level of social inadequacy : the chance to see some titties.

Let's begin with this offering , where some dudes attach clamps to their nose, nipples, and eyelids, then try to pull off ladies' bras.

After several failures, one man finds the key to success is to secure clips to every available part of the head, to include the ears, nostrils, and lips, and is finally victorious in unleashing some boob.

While I don't want to imply that his fortitude was anything less than exemplary, it still should be pointed out that his efforts may have been assisted in no small amount by the woman's choice of attire -- a dominatrix-style, possibly edible outfit with a level of structural integrity similar to Janet Jackson's floppity flapjack Super Bowl ensemble.

Timberlake, this guy isn't holding back from expressing his terrified revulsion. And then there's this bullshit. In this game of human shuffleboard, the player attempts to slide himself as close as possible to a woman's bikini'd mammaries without actually making contact.

He does, of course, at which point he is subjected to electric shock. It's basically what they did to Alex in A Clockwork Orange , but with a studio audience and presumably lovely parting gifts.

Don't you hate it when you're vacationing in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines while wearing nothing but a string bikini, and then all of a sudden you hit the jackpot and have no choice but to try to catch all the cascading coins in the gap between your jiggling boobs?

If you think that sounds like an unlikely scenario anywhere besides the sweaty imaginings of a lonely Scrooge McDuck , then you haven't been watching enough Japanese television.

Tollbooth employees are the scourge of most gentlemen's clubs. For all those outraged over the rampant sexism on American television, you really haven't seen anything until you've watched women objectified to the point of turning them into disposable casino nickel buckets.

Adding to the degradation, everyone in the clip seems somewhat nervous and unsure of how they even wound up there, with the forced smiles and uncomfortably long eye contact with the camera that's typical in the kind of movies in which Ron Jeremy shows up at the door with a pizza.

If you pay attention, even the background music an overdubbed Japanese version of Every Breath You Take by The Police evokes the grimly depressing atmosphere of a city-limits strip bar during lunch on a Wednesday.

But really, what better sign could there be for the Japanese economy than the emergence of a trend like yen bukkake? At least this show puts on a pretense of decency, despite what appears to be its true, underlying theme: "Should your fellatio skills prove unsatisfactory, you will be punished by having to inhale a cockroach.

While there are no revealing outfits or pruriently leering hosts here, one still gets the sense that they're probably bearing witness to something profoundly obscene.

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